Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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