he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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