Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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