This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
