Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
