I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I deserve this hangover.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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