Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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