They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
