You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to have your abortion
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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