we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
