I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
