I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
