people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
