And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
