Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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