John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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