Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
