I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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