at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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