i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He passed out mid-signature
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
