ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
