someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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