Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
