Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
