So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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