Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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