Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
