You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A bitchslap is in order.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
