Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
