Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
