I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
