If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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