I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
