I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
