I'm laying in your front yard are you home
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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