I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize