Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
