Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize