i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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