Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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