There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
