dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
