thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
