Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize