then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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