I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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