My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize