you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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