Will you blow on my dice?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize