First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
