He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
