how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
