what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
