this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
