Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
