I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i've created a new STD.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
