HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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