I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I AM VODKA MAN
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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