I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
