I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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