I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You can't motorboat a personality
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
