I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
