I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
