No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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