Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
