my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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