You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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