I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
