I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize