I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Randomize
