She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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