I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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