it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
