Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
