Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
