dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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