I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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