Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
