The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
