I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
