i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
