It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
