my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
