ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
