Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize