If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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