i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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