so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and she was petting her beer can
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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