My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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