apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
