Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
