Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
sex in a hospital.. check
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
