If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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