I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
