I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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