i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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