burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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