I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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